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A Peek Into Our Relationship...

A few weeks ago I had a conversation with my lovely husband about how I evaluated men when I was single.  I had been reading some relationship blogs for fun.  One of them talked about how each person should vet the person they are dating and determine if they are a suitable person to marry.  At first I did not think much about this because I did not really have a hardcore checklist as such.  The older I got I came to the conclusion that 'I will know him when I meet him'.  That is pretty much how I ended up dating and marrying my husband on December 18, 2009.

One day a Facebook friend of ours posted a relationship question similar to this:  What thing(s) would you consider a show-stopper when considering someone to marry?  Again I did not think much about it since I did not have a list as such.  However my husband read the question and asked it to me.  It was funny but at that time I had an answer.  I told him that if a guy came to me talking about getting married and started a discussion about the role of the husband and the role of the wife I would have run for the hills.  He laughed at that one.

I realize that every person is different and approaches romance and marriage differently.  I just felt that the idea of the husband playing a role and the wife playing a role was way too complicated to my liking, probably from the many sermons I heard in church about the matter over decades.  It just seemed like the list was getting longer by the day and would become something impossible to live by with any peace.  Long before we started dating I concluded that my 'role' would be to love my husband the best I know how.  How that would be defined in my mind was depending on who I married.  It was apparent early in our dating relationship that my husband felt the same way.  This has continued on up until this very moment.

I must state for the record that I married late in life (only marriage).  I did not date after graduating from grad school because somehow I knew I would be older when I married.  I had a very long time to think and reflect about how I would approach dating and marriage.  Of course I had a lot of time to observe other couples and see how their approaches would work for me.  They were way too rigid for my liking and from what I saw many were not all that happy.  I enjoyed my decades as a single gal and I was not going to voluntarily go to prison LOL.  I can truly say that being married to my lovely husband has enhanced my life in ways I could never have imagined.  It is one of the best decisions I have made.  I believe he would say the same.

What do you think about the traditional roles as have been defined over time for husbands and wives?  Are they workable?  Is this really dependent on each couple as I believe?  Do the roles identify who the person really is in a relationship or are the roles purely functional?



Let's discuss this.

2 comments :

looking4purpose said...

well, i know it has always been tradional where love and marriage is concerned but i like you believe it is what you make it. there must be some set of rules or foundation in what both of you like or dislike, his and hers..kinda thing. I have learned alot about relationships, write on my blog for years about it....my views have changed very much. roles...i believe are in the pudding.

Bernard and Pam Dreyer said...

This has been a very interesting topic of late because of the different blogs I have read and many messages I have heard over the years. More and more I have found that people are doing what both agree to do. It works so well for my husband and I. We have been married almost fifteen months now.

Note: Things have changed for us the past few months because my Mom now lives with us after a fall where she had a partial hip replacement. Hence the long delay in posting and responding. Even with that things have gone smoothly as can be in our relationship with tending to a recovering surgery patient. Thankfully my Mom is NOT one that tries to run the lives of others. Again my lovely husband and I do what needs to be done in the house. In fact he is preparing dinner tonight!!!!!